In the internet age, nothing really goes away. Just because I shut the site down and removed every post doesn’t mean it’s not archived meticulously on sites that I can’t control. Every embarrassing post that I pushed out in a fit of angst is permanently online somewhere until an EMP blows our grid out. I’m sure that every tweet, every Facebook post, and every Instagram image I post is archived in a little server somewhere outside of my reach. Thankfully I didn’t post any sex tapes or nude images, but if I do- I will do it while I’m young, because I’d love to be permanently archived as a beautiful little thing.
Reality is very much the same. I could try to hide the fact that I ate an entire pizza yesterday, but it will still show on my abs. One of my pals can’t ignore his shattered hand after he punched a stone wall in a brief fit of rage. My brother can’t get his toes back after he lost them to a lawnmower accident (maybe mowing a steep, wet slope was a bad idea?) You cannot just suddenly mend a relationship you broke off, and expect the past to simply not be brought up again. We can certainly learn from our experiences, and move on. Sharing our experiences helps others avoid the same mistake.
It’s easy to pass the days without thinking too hard about where your life is leading you, but our future is the sum of our past. There is a degree of variance, so it is up to us to do the math. Ultimately, everyone’s paths converge at the grave. Life is an hourglass with a veil; the only certainty is right now. If time is limited, there are certain activities that one could omit from their routine to raise the quality of their remaining life. ‘Wasting time’ is tantamount to a slow suicide if there is no future benefit to your actions.
As humans, we’re pretty free to change how we live out the rest of our days. Every once in a while, I like to ask myself that age old question of “what the hell am I doing with myself?”. I was surrounding myself with pointless materials that comforted me. I bought games and dolls just to make myself feel better in the moment. I plastered posters on everything that resembled a wall. It was a life of wanting and spending. But… What is the point?
I chose at that moment to reset my current situation. I took everything and cast it away. I tossed out games, I gave away computers, I ripped down my posters. After all of that, I gave myself some time to think. All I was doing with myself was passing time. I wasn’t waiting for anything in particular, but I was just waiting and spending time frivolously.
“What is really important?”, I asked myself. If we only could equip ourselves with a few different skills, what skills would I want? Learning Japanese was important to me, as the culture shaped my childhood, and always fascinated me. Drawing was important, as a non-language based form of communication. Creating games was always something I wanted to do, but playing them wasn’t as high a priority. I just want people to understand me, and I want to do that by creating stories using my worldview.
I figure that blogging would be a nice addition to any game I create. Blogging, tweeting.. Just communicating. In a weird way, I feel like this keeps me alive in another place. Every time I put out a post, I’m sharing a little bit of myself with the rest of you.
That being said, thanks for reading and welcome to Altsune.com!